Tuesday, March 25, 2014

radio silence, ended

Sorry for my absence. When I feel like I'm falling behind on everything in my life (clutter, laundry, email, etc.), updating the blog is apparently one of the first things to be sacrificed. I learn something new about myself every day. THE MORE YOU KNOW!!

Do you ever find yourself picturing some future version of yourself who is effortlessly on top of everything? This happens to me all. The. Time. I think it's a vestige of childhood, when I thought (no, knew) that grown-ups were calm and capable and all-knowing. And despite the fact that I am now decidedly a grown-up, who will in a few short weeks be turning coughthirtycough, I still find myself, in moments when I feel overwhelmed and incompetent, thinking something like, "Well, when I grow up this will be easy."

Not in so many words, of course. It's more of a mental image of my ideal grown-up self-- sort of a cross between Martha Stewart and Ramona Quimby's mother and my fifth-grade teacher. Someone whose house is always clean (despite the fact that I never imagine her scrubbing behind toilets on her hands and knees while cursing under her breath), who hosts dinner parties, whose wardrobe is classic and stain-free, who takes her well-behaved kids on fun and wholesome adventures like picnics every weekend in the summer (with no bugs, of course) and sledding every weekend in the winter (with homemade hot chocolate sipped from thermoses), and whose garden actually grows tomatoes, instead of an abundance of basil with no other plants surviving. (She's also in great shape despite the fact that she never gets sweaty.)

I still have trouble believing that this is my grown-up life. Not that I don't like it! I love it, actually-- it's just that I don't feel grown-up. Or at least, I don't feel the way I imagined my grown-up self would feel.

But then again, I suppose Mrs. Quimby didn't, either.

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