on pinkeye, school clearance, and snark

One of my patients brought in this note from a school nurse recently. It made me want to punch someone.

 (If you're not clear as to the reason for the outrage, it's a combination of the school nurse feeling entitled to ignore medical clearance, and the statement that primary care doctors don't have the ability to diagnose pinkeye properly... which is not only insulting and untrue, but demonstrates a basic misunderstanding of what conjunctivitis/pinkeye actually is.) 

I posted it on Facebook and got the following comments from my pediatrician friends, which made me laugh and nod and feel better... they start off incredulous and indignant, and then devolve into hilariously sarcastic.

"That's ridiculous and how does that follow any sort of criteria?"

"This is insane."

"This is crazy! Why do they feel compelled to make folks mistrust their doc? As if there were sufficient ophthalmologists on Guam."

"That's terrible."

"This is the same thing as saying you cannot return to school until your nose stops running."

"Earlier this fall I had a mom question my diagnosis of viral conjunctivitis and get really upset with me because she was convinced her daughter had Ebola (and also wanted eye drops of course)."

"I would write back saying they add a requirement for negative measles IgM before readmission to class."

"You clearly don't have the experience to diagnose pinkeye. You should probably just give up now."

Aaahahahahaha.... the Ebola thing destroyed me. Not because Ebola is funny. But someone being convinced that run-of-the-mill pinkeye is actually Ebola, that is funny.